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[personal profile] afterthree
I need to stop hibernating now.

It's difficult, though, with all this cold we're having. I can't think of any way better to spend my day than buried in piles of blankets and pillows, and this makes it increasingly difficult to have a productive life. Spring and warm weather is far more successful at getting me out of bed in the morning and keeping me out of bed throughout the day. It is a simple equation, really: the colder it gets, the more I sleep.

I'm not necessarily blaming the weather, so to speak. I just want it to stop whispering how warm and cozy my pillow is in my ear. I crumble under the pressure too easily.

Is it so entirely strange for me to enjoy my reclusiveness? Everyone else seems to prefer reaching out and pulling people toward them, gravitating toward solar systems of social activity, planning their lives around it. I don't feel I push people away, but I certainly break orbit and seem content to pass through time and space on my own more often than seems... normal. Does internal focus make me selfish? Distant? The times in my life when I feel most at a loss is when I am deprived of my own, solitary company. I feel strong standing on my own, walking on my own. My weakness is too blatant when I stand in the circle, and I would rather be close to but apart from it. Maybe that is my weakness. Let me linger on the peripheral. Often, second hand joy can be just as rewarding.

Forgive my public displays of introspect. Some things make more sense written down.



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August 2010

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